Anselmo Moreno Loses Everything

Anselmo Moreno lost his last fight.

Anselmo Moreno and his wife are getting a divorce.

Anselmo Moreno’s wife was his manager. He needs a new manager.

Anselmo Moreno’s trainer is ticked that he isn’t getting paid, and might be departing.

Anselmo Moreno’s dog ran away.

Anselmo Moreno’s mother? Disowning him.

Anselmo Moreno’s water heater is broken.

Anselmo Moreno can’t afford a new muffler, what with his boxing business problems; his neighbors are shunning him, annoyed at his loud car.

Anselmo Moreno went to make a sandwich, then realized the bread was stale.

Anselmo Moreno can dip his foot in the pool, but he’s not allowed to swim.

Anselmo Moreno is the fastest runner, but he’s not allowed to win.

Anselmo Moreno has a black fly in his Chardonnay.

Anselmo Moreno recently came into an inheritance of 10,000 spoons; all he needs is a knife.

Anselmo Moreno had to use a public stall, and discovered there was no toilet paper.

Anselmo Moreno sat up in his room, heart sick and eyes filled up with blue.

Anselmo Moreno’s iTunes shuffle algorithm managed to pick five embarrassing songs in a row that he shouldn’t have in his library.

Anselmo Moreno got in line at the supermarket and the other lines are moving much, much faster.

Anselmo Moreno got snookered into shaking the hand of someone on the corner who was raising money for a charity, and couldn’t bear being rude enough to not at least listen to the pitch.

Anselmo Moreno kicked up the leaves and the magic was lost.


(h/t, h/t, h/t)

About Tim Starks

Tim is the founder of The Queensberry Rules and co-founder of The Transnational Boxing Rankings Board ( He lives in Washington, D.C. He has written for the Guardian, Economist, New Republic, Chicago Tribune and more.