The Rabbit Punch: Floyd Mayweather, Jr. Demands Manny Pacquiao Prove He Is Not A Terminator

So continues our marathon coverage of one of the biggest fights of 2012, Floyd Mayweather, Jr. vs. Miguel Cotto on May 5 on HBO pay-per-view. Previously: the stakes of Mayweather-Cotto; the undercard, previewed; keys to the fight, part I and II. Next: a final preview and prediction.

rabbit-punchLAS VEGAS, Nev. – Although Floyd Mayweather, Jr. faces Puerto Rican star Miguel Cotto in a pay-per-view blockbuster on Saturday, May 5, he cannot avoid questions about a fighter he has never faced despite endless speculation, trash talk, and (ultimately failed) negotiations: Manny Pacquiao.

Rather than deflect questions about Pacquiao to focus on Cotto, the outspoken Mayweather continues to give reporters a reason to ask about the other top welterweight in the world.

In his latest, most outrageous tirade on the subject, Mayweather implied that Pacquiao might in fact be a cybernetic organism like the one portrayed by Arnold Schwarzenegger in the “Terminator” film franchise.

“All we gotta do is both prove we’re real men, not part human, part machine weapons of destruction, and we’ll have the biggest fight in the history of the sport,” said Mayweather at a press conference at the MGM Grand.

“Floyd Mayweather is 100 percent man. I’m all flesh, blood, sweat, tears, hard work, and dedication,” he said. “I don’t have no electric servomechanisms powering my endoskeleton and making me an unstoppable warrior. I’ll prove that any time, any day. If Poochie-ao [Mayweather’s derisive nickname for Pacquiao] is willing to do the same, I’m willing to fight him.”

When asked why he was accusing the Filipino congressman and eight-division titlist of being a cyborg, Mayweather was quick to insist that he was not making any outright accusations.

“Floyd Mayweather is not accusing nobody of nothing,” he said. “Floyd Mayweather is not saying that Manny Pacquiao was designed by Skynet and sent from the future to exterminate human resistance to the rise of the robots. I’m just saying that Floyd Mayweather will take the test and prove he ain’t no cyborg, and anybody Floyd Mayweather fights either does the same or don’t make the big boy money.”

Cotto has agreed to take the test, laughing off the idea that he is a Terminator.

“I have no liquid metal mimetic poly alloy to recover from damage, no superconducting artificial neural network CPU with the ability to learn,” Cotto said through a tongue-tied translator. “If he needs me to take a test to prove [it], I will take his stupid test.”

Later in the press conference, Mayweather also mentioned that he is in the market for kryptonite, as he has requested that his future opponents also take a Superman test.

“I’m just trying to clean up the sport of boxing,” Mayweather said. “Floyd Mayweather makes fights, not excuses.”

(The Rabbit Punch is a satirical column. Any persons, events, descriptions, opinions, or insults contained herein are not intended to be taken seriously. You didn’t take this seriously, did you? Seriously?)