The Rabbit Punch: I’m Saving Boxing, So What Are You Doing?

While the spineless, sniveling, myopic mass of incompetent boxing writers pathetically cower before the ills wrought upon this noble sport of boxing by the malevolent powers that be, your humble correspondent has dedicated his life and pen to exposing the corruption these lesser scribes are too impotent and ignorant to address. Though temptation and weak […]

The Rabbit Punch: Main Events Taps 10-10-220 To Sponsor Fight Night On NBC

Kathy Duva, president of the promotional firm Main Events, announced today that the Fight Night boxing card scheduled to air on NBC in December will be sponsored by 10-10-220, the long distance telephone service. “Who better to support boxing’s return to network television than a company that hasn’t been relevant since the time when being […]

The Rabbit Punch: Bob Arum Renews Contract With Satan

Top Rank founder and CEO Bob Arum announced today that he has signed an extension of his contract with Satan, the Prince of Darkness, through 2015, with a mutual option for 2016. Under the terms of the deal, the devil will continue to ensure that Top Rank retains its privileged position at the forefront of […]

The Rabbit Punch: Red Cross Sends Aid To Philippines Following Manny Pacquiao Vs. Tim Bradley Disaster

The International Committee of the Red Cross announced Wednesday that it has deployed volunteers to the Philippines to help rebuild the suddenly beleaguered nation. Widespread devastation wrought by the controversial split decision awarded to Timothy Bradley over national hero Manny Pacquiao on Saturday night in Las Vegas has left the country in ruins and in […]

The Rabbit Punch: Manny Pacquiao Spars Goat

Concerned about Tim Bradley’s propensity to use his head in fights as often as his fists, Manny Pacquiao and his trainer Freddie Roach enlisted an unusual sparring partner leading up to Saturday’s HBO pay-per-view main event – a goat. “We looked for guys who could mimic Bradley but none of them got his style quite […]

The Rabbit Punch: Punching Bag Punches Back

LOS ANGELES – An Everlast heavy bag unexpectedly struck and dropped lightweight Ray Beltran during a routine training session on Wednesday morning, after half a decade spent passively absorbing hundreds of thousands of punches at the Wild Card gym in Hollywood. Beltran was incredulous after the inanimate object’s unprecedented lashing out. “[What t]he [heck] was […]

The Rabbit Punch: Internet Commenter Outraged, Didn’t Bother Reading Article

In a scathing diatribe posted in response to an article on The Queensberry Rules (TQBR) boxing blog, a commenter by the name of nuaronagg3 posted a lengthy rant accusing the blog of bigotry, lambasting the boxing media as a whole, belittling acclaimed fighters throughout history, decrying the “godlessness” of American culture, and effusively praising Manny […]

The Rabbit Punch: New Ring Magazine Mandate Makes Headlines

In the latest policy change at the “Bible of Boxing” to send shockwaves through the boxing community, Ring Magazine announced today on its website that every headline on the site going forward will feature the names of Floyd Mayweather, Jr. and Manny Pacquiao, regardless of the actual content of the story. According to the once-venerable […]

The Rabbit Punch: Fight Result — Husband Beats Wife

OKAY, Okla. – Heavyweight Billy Roy Keith, 37, scored a brutal knockout of his wife, Dolores, 25, mere seconds into their brawl Saturday night. Dolores (2-9, 2 KO), a junior middleweight, was intense from the onset, aggressively pushing Billy Roy backward with a flurry of wild, inaccurate blows. Billy Roy (54-37-4, 41 KO), a veteran […]

The Rabbit Punch: WBC Strips Champion Of Title Because “Screw Him”

MEXICO CITY – In a move that surprised nobody in the boxing community, the World Boxing Council stripped their light heavyweight titlist, Tyrus “The Truth” Truffant, of his belt on Monday evening. The WBC also announced shortly thereafter that interim 175 pound titleholder Julio Cesar Ramos will face Julio Cesar Ramon in Mexico City to […]

The Rabbit Punch: Oscar De La Hoya Categorically Denies Coherent Tweet

Golden Boy Promotions president and former world champion Oscar De La Hoya is an avid — some might say pathological — user of Twitter. His stream of consciousness posts run the gamut from the mundane minutiae of his charmed everyday life to outrageous confessions of extramarital transgressions, from poorly expressed optimistic inanities to impulsive invective […]

Standing Count: Five Boxers Who Could Theoretically Enter The Charlie Sheen Zone

“Clearly, I have defeated this earthworm with my words. Imagine what I could have done with my fire-breathing fists.” —Charlie Sheen I’m not usually one to get caught up in celebrity hoopla. I never had much interest in Paris Hilton’s partying or her poorly-lit sex tape. I have the Internet, and therefore a practically infinite […]