The Rabbit Punch: Internet Commenter Outraged, Didn’t Bother Reading Article

rabbit-punchIn a scathing diatribe posted in response to an article on The Queensberry Rules (TQBR) boxing blog, a commenter by the name of nuaronagg3 posted a lengthy rant accusing the blog of bigotry, lambasting the boxing media as a whole, belittling acclaimed fighters throughout history, decrying the “godlessness” of American culture, and effusively praising Manny Pacquiao, all despite apparently not having read one word of the article to which he purported to reply.

Addressing the article’s author, TQBR founder Tim Starks, as “Mr. Writer” despite his name appearing in the byline, nuaronagg3 immediately went on the offensive in overly formal, awkwardly structured prose.

“Mr Writer, is the Hypocrit not you and not the Great Warrior Manny Pacquiao?” the comment began. “Is it You Who perhaps seek the Love of man like Floyd Gayweather and 50 cents?? haha Manny is noble bayani [hero] who Fights with Honor for God and His people.. perhaps it is You who Hate the Filipino people not bayani Manny who hate the Gays? Think of this.”

Nowhere in the post, headlined “Closing The Book On This Whole Manny Pacquiao/Gay Marriage Flap,” did Starks accuse Pacquiao of hypocrisy or express any derogatory sentiments towards Filipinos.

Starks is also not a homosexual.

Undeterred by facts, nuaronagg3 continued his haphazardly capitalized screed. “You Mr Writer and your Writer blog friends in the american Boxing Media look to ruin the dangal [reputation] of bayani Manny because he make the Sugar Ray and Ali look like Coward and weak failure by Comparison.. You want american Boxer to supreme and Pacquiao Surpass all in ring so You smear his Great name. Jealousy!!!”

Throughout Pacquiao’s unprecedented ascent, Starks has tirelessly praised the fighter’s ability, connection with fans and historic achievements. In the specific article to which the outraged commenter posted, Starks made no mention of Pacquiao’s achievements in boxing, either positive or negative, focusing instead on the recent controversy over Pacquiao’s stance on gay marriage and biblical quotes falsely attributed to him.

There is no evidence in anything Starks has written that he is the mastermind behind a media conspiracy against the Filipino superstar.

In his conclusion, nuaronagg3 made sweeping generalizations about American culture and demanded rather extraordinary action from Starks, despite not having made the minimal effort of reading the article Starks wrote before eviscerating it.

“I ask you Mr Writer to abandon Your empty Hedonistic american Culture and embrace the Spirit of christian God so You can appreciate the True Wisdom and Soul of bayani Manny. Give up Your Hate and give Yourself to God and He will give You more Strength and Knowledge than your hateful Words here will ever have. Do this and be Saved!! Do not Try and You are a hopeless Soul!”

Starks responded to the tirade by simply asking, “Did you even read the article?” He has yet to hear a response to his query from nuaronagg3, though the answer is fairly obvious.

Although he had no further comment on the matter, Starks did stress that he appreciates his audience and continues to encourage them to share their thoughts and opinions via comments, no matter how ludicrous they may be.

(The Rabbit Punch is a satirical column. Any persons, events, descriptions, opinions, or insults contained herein are not intended to be taken seriously. You didn’t take this seriously, did you? Seriously?)